Nice at 67 better never but so what old ugly git

The best and worst of Police practices – a man’s viewpoint Imagine this scenario because it is a real one and it happens. Believe an experienced old fart, me Your wife/female partner throws a wobbly and calls the police
They come to your house
Often male and female police officer, but it does not matter
They WILL arrest YOU and take YOU away
Your name can be Harry Prince of all Christendom and beyond
Tough babe, YOU are going to the station
Yes
YOU will be eventually (takes 6 hours min) be fingerprinted, swabbed, dna’d and chuckled at YOU are all about and a PART of procedure mate andf of WE do it all THIS way the BLUE way
Take with you from home your entire collection of teabags milk and proper cup, 6 novels, I reference book, CD’s, cleaning cloths, spare shooe laces and some sandwiches, enough for the boys in blue too
FORGET the very existsance of words such as ‘rights ‘human ‘procedure’ ‘normal’ ‘when’ ‘expeditious’ and many others you will be unable even to pronounce THESE, NONE – are in the Sam Johnson V revised Engerlish dixshunHarrie
Chew up on the way and ingest ALL bits of paper
take out a subscription to the Guardian, try to get an online copy if you can, it goes further and is difficult to loose
Yes iften means hardly ever if at all means quite a abtuse thing
It’s like this can I tell you my version
The correc reply if who fuckin cares Ivan the Magnificatt IIvvvxxii just sharrap stooopid
You can have what you want just press the bell we will bring it straight away
Means don’t friggin push it, YOU will get what we say WHEN we say it right, nowt else git head
My 9 year old daughter I have to get her from school please I have been here more than 5 hours now for nothing and I live in Peterbrough and if u had called me on the phone and if you do ever I will come why should I not
risposte : disinterested silence and a polite shake of a diagonal head
Tomorrow we will deal with slammer speakInglish version V in Swahili
Hey mates lovers queers and all plebs and gits m- call uis for a friendly chat ANYTIME ON.............psd.complaints@cambs.pnn.police.uk
sURE WITHOUT FAIL mR pLOD JUST AS SOON AS WE CAN IN 2099 BABY FII
The Chief Constable here is Mr Simon Parr and do NOT quote my name whenh you send me greetings cards right, just desist ok!!!!

Men's human rights and the Peterborough police Feb 2013

The best and worst of Police practices – a man’s viewpoint Imagine this scenario ; because it is a real one and it happens every day.
Believe an experienced old fart, me Your wife/female partner throws a wobbly and calls the police
They come to your house
Often male and female police officer, but it does not matter
They WILL arrest YOU and take YOU away
Your name can be Harry Prince of all Christendom and beyond
Tough babe, YOU are going to the station
Yes
YOU will be eventually (takes 6 hours min) be fingerprinted, swabbed, dna’d and chuckled at YOU are all about and a PART mof procedure mate andf of WE do it all THIS way the BLUE way
Take with you from home your entire collection of teabags milk and proper cup, 6 novels, I reference book, CD’s, cleaning cloths, spare shooe laces and some sandwiches, enough for the boys in blue too
FORGET the very existsance of words such as ‘rights ‘human ‘procfedure’ ‘normal’ ‘when’ ‘expeditious’ and many others you will be unable even to pronounce THESE, NONE – are in the Sam Johnson V revised Engerlish dixshunHarrie
Chew up on the way and ingest ALL bits of paper
take out a subscription to the Guardian, try to get an online copy if you can, it goes further
Yes iften means hardly ever if at all means quite a abtuse thing
It’s like this can I tell you my version
The correc reply if who fuckin cares Ivan the Terrible just sharrap stooopid
You can have what you want just press the bell we will bring it straight away
Means don’t friggin push it, YOU will get what we say WHEN we say it right, nowt else git head
My 9 year old daughter I have to get her from school please I have been here more than 5 hours now for nothing and I live in Peterbrough and if u had called me on the phone aand sent less than 2 men and 2 cars....and if you do ever I will come why should I not
risposte : disinterested silence and a polite shake of a diagonal head
Tomorrow more excitement as we grapple and deal with slammer speaker according to Johnson B 1455 version V Harper & qUEEN

Sectioned might I be?? absurdity after friggin absurdity habibi

When your sanity is in question and like me you engage in nabsurdity then people question you, are you well, they think not and call the police and you can be slammed up sectioned for ever. The Police have asked me several times if I am alcohol dependant and they write down yes no and maybe he said. One Piolideman dear kind bloke said Peter is drunk that was Max Walsh. Helpful isn't it when you are with your 9 year old daughter on a saturday

I complain reply -'we can say that Peter the Police can say it yes we can' It seems THEY can say ANYEFLUENHT FIONG THEWY WANT AND WE JOW HENRY PUBLIC CANNOT WEHAT AM I TO DO

I shall apply next time when the commissioners job comes up and then buy a new police speak dictionary and learn it by rote

Thanks to UK for its vision and lottery spenders all

lottery banner removed no coinsent gievn 1.2.2013

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Thanks Bog Lottery

Killing me softly

Killing me softly (vi) Self nil disperandum vobbiscum takes on takes on several Coxless pair leaning manifestations of itself, no denying that. (A) We will not go into them all, (B)too tedious, we’ll just skim the surface. One – you (z) self fladellate using your heavy Texan rawhide wowoooo che bella leather belt, take off your jeans later and (V) whip it ye belt with buckle across yourself. Take your shirt off for greater pleasure. Yes you CAN do this in public but don’t let the wheels bleed, that’s self harm and the police will ask you about it afterwards. It is a biological indicator of an Equadorian early spring apparently.

(xiiiii) To save the tweedle dum and dee I’ll give you my own preference. Stand rivet stock still dressed as you normally do, leave the Gucci handbag and pastel crème Bruxelles lace gloves at home though, in Cathedral Square Peterborough and scream at the top of your voice in a language of your choosing (pause here for better thesepian slant and thought), ‘I am (option is is)a bally beeeeg fool and an auld eejot. Me me me me me yes I IZ (AM OPTIOAL AGAIN) ’,yuou can adapt as necessary, take An Oxford Johnson idishun like what I use dictionary for those words pursuant to ancient Greek and Swahili origin that spring mighty quickly to the tongue but are jolly hard to spell. You’’ ll want it writ down won’t you Taff?? Why Cathedral Square in the ancient soke? Right, in days of yore (stet) The monks here were particularly knowledgeable and stoodious (stet agin) , them wrote the chronicles famously now in Ely, we won’t go to see them today, too far.

At that time the monks must also have had a pastoral role, there are some graffiti like texts indicating so carved beautifully in the Cathedral so it has to have been the case.
(a) well whilst you fladgellate, use the high octave I call it scream (no bag remember), yes I know I am a humanitarian and vegetarian ; you would after the trauma has passed want some solace and pastoral care. Forget it, there is none.
Even the short and quirkly happy smart little roadsweeper with the club foot will give you a wide birth and just light another fag as he passes.
The SaLVATION Army is never there on weekdays and the Carpethian Sisters of Grenoble the Hermit Lungo Templo Amen do NOT cross the soke boundaries, they say tooo dangerous.
You are on your own. You have made your point. No help, No seats. It is raining hares and goatees, you are wet. You want a pint. You have had it up to ere. You notice passers by talking guardedly on their mobiles and think the police have been called. Scarper quick.

The Camel and Sophist is not a bad pub by Cairo standards where there are few, let’s meet there after. Half of Abbott’s was it?

(b) Domingo is not bad rolling baccie either whilst I fink about it, have a cig on your way. 5 euros from Belgiam for 500gs, £35.99 in Asda, fair do’s fings is Australian as the moment aint they.
Listen wacker, if you think THIS is tedious bizarre out of this planet in the ether somewhere forget that. YOU thud hear my 65000 word epithets to Max Wall now legendary first inscribed on best Harrods vellum, 1956 – 1999, Harper and Flootist G & G 16.7, isbn so have I 99088.88 and being bid for now by the British Museum. There is wackier ALWAYS a point to be made. I am slow and tedious and an old tart but at LEAST I do with some high pressure steam coming from various orifices get there.
(b bis IIIVX) WHARUTT you scream. Me wife has left me and wants me jailed for eternity and plus that, I have been locked up twice this week and spent 56 hours in the pleasant if tedious company of the rozzers that’s wot we have here wacker. NOW do not try this at home if you are wearing an ear stud and are gay touché wet daft effed up or a bloke. DO NOT phone the police OT EVEN FINK abart it and say your partner is trying to beat you to a pulp, even if he / she/ it/ awotevva is. Coz Police ONLY listin to wimmins and you wacker is a bloke gerrit!!
Omnius vobiscum another pint clean glass no handle please ta. Break for ads. This tome is being brought to you close to the Nanny goat and Beard and the Restover Lodge Hoptel in Boongate Fengate Peterborough near the dog track. Rooms 32 polished grouts no extras but some nice looking ladies all smiling and never coming to your room on time, late but promises a plenty yet to be fulfilled. We are broadcastin from there tonite ones pad having declaured universal independence from you Police edict rendered off limit’s OR straight to Jug no passin GO no 200 quid attributed to Cambridgeshire constabulary it says so on the charge sheet. Fade and action take up again

Abbots tastes great. You wash your eyelashes with a finger dipped in it, a sign of devotion and deep homily in Tibet and you proceed to sip it reverently. £2.49 no bad Mactouche and Salmoniz 17 yr matured
Recapitulate expand, don’t marry a woman, any variety, don’t ; if you do don’t ever speak ever to her, don’t have any kind of relationship with her don’t live with her carry an AK47 and prepare to be banged up for ever in San Clinton with a happy biffday card. Say goodbyte to freedome the world Abbots brew fags and and OBE. Right? Right! The Phoros cost ya £6000 ya prat###
Huntings Solicitors ent bad is them? (note Chronicles Saxon Anglais vx sculpted used here to show I aint fick)
omnis vobiscuum often I’d say.
Seen vu bill tho’?
Nah??
17 and 6!
Ballymeaner - - but I have gropers or American Expired Gold Cud which is it to be my man
Gis a pint of Abbots and we’ll call it quickies right.
Agreed, shake and bugger off on the chopper, mind the crane as you go over won’t yas?
The Orkadian Thrush Theatre’s ‘’’ Epistucoorum anno Dominin (capital letta for God), changes key, et tu tuum et fratelum benum’’’ comes to you this evening from yer SpikeIslandRadio clarity Marconi developed steam radio triple speaker system Mark IIIIIIVVV cream and blue chique and you must have one from ASDA John Lewis emporium Vancouver AND ALL good Ice Cream vendors’, $55.666 easy terms available – free gerbils cage and food for 68 years free with every pushkin FOR SALE IN LESSER SPIKEISLANDRADIO’s new SHOP FM 90.76
BANNER PLEASE BANNER TO HENRY’S SAKE AND THE ORSE TOO To quick sale - bootiful but quirkly let us say Wife, 17 gerbils and a stuffed Ostrich, free Police protection guaranteed for this century at any rate
Just take me Rolex brute Blu laser, Purdy guns and the Lamborghini Espada. I’ll pay the crateing and shipping cost. OK you drive an ard bargin TEK the bloody cottage then too
THE YEARS RESULT FROM OFTWOT ABRDIGED OFT AFT AND ALWAYS
You PASSED booger it, NOW go QUICK to the ubiquitous magpie Kevfoski jNR move QP17 to PQ17 and an arf on P 766
PHOTOGRAPH – on location in Cafeereal Square D Bailey

Laugh

Laugh at no cost whatsoever and austerity everywhere The white but dirty van parked in the even dirtier layby by the even muchier turd infested grass bank is a Catering van. The van is not clean no, but has a road tax sticker. There is an awning and good table service is provided by Beniamino from Corfoo, he says ? It’s a good business and frequented frequently by those frequenting the frequently frequented Lloyd Wrightesque Police Barracks which overlooks and oversees wimin everywhere specially on weekdays and at weekends.
Many brutal instances of the beaches of basic human rights (see UN Dec Univ. Human Rights 1956) were made in ancient Rome, even more appartently according to Gov stats soon to me publicated occur in Peterborough. Bulgarians and Rumanians will improve this is the longer term says the Mayor, good news indeed.

BUT the over- riding consideration and concern for the HR commission is the grub, that’s where white dirty van greasy spoon Ink. makes its brass. Take away favourites and BBC Food Pogrom winners this year are the aforesaid. Water is the best seller, tea bags come a close second, sugar, milk sarnies a pkenty grtated gloats cheese atandooori bush meat warmed and then basmati rice, adjuncts are a wet towel, sunglasses, expensive Harrods plastic Maplin and Web plastic forks and St James’ bibles bottim I am afraid.

Earnings this week £13000.oo, you can see the attraction and a police entrepreneurial group has made a bid. In the barracks canteen where you cannot go they have Moet e Chandon, cut glass goblets, Isle of Bude dapper white napkins and a bottle opner and corkscreq. Shoelaces taken from slammed up gits like me neatly keep the napkins tidy and a woman comes in once a day to sprinkle sweet smelling holyy rose water from Monks Cave onto the Orklnet wook carpet.

In the cells let’s sut this short you get none of that but don’t let me hear you complain, no point. You do not pay board there do you. Fare here is well, well, what is it? That is what we need to establish first. What indeed. An open question. BUT it is in microwave proof roman style terracotta and neatly wrapped in crinkly white cotton, there is a waiter and trolley service on the thirteenth Wednesday of every leap yeatr and well, well

Only one thing tells me that Tommy Cooper lookalike colour sergeant what makes the tea after I am severly dehydrated and have been slammed up for 7 hours and 22 minutes, NO you CANNOT have another, Gov cuts you know. Understandable..

In temerity, be warned, when you Egon Romney Police catering, you are just a guest here, have you any right to do so. Good question. I tremble as I wonder just what constitutes a waste of police time and can be charged at max tariff if guilty? Humour I fear so I now switch to austere mode in addressing the CO, the Chief Constable.

If I am guilty Sir just make a quick call on my mobile I’ll go straight by taxi to the Scrubs, no need to waste more shekels on 3 police blokes two German Shepherdesses and 4 vans this time, twice is already stretching it Sir.

Is it expensive? Well they don’t ask for the bill or il conto here take note, they just shove a charge sheet in yet hand no matter what you scoff.

Police Dictionary

Police speak first column, 2nd their real intended meaning wat civvies call lingua franca English

Has he been handcuffed?? Why the hell not if not?
Not detained at all Kept here just as long as we want
Sir Twat head
Not guilty 15 years we hope
Tea Fuck off
Mr Peter Francis You mate
Reason to believe you is fuckin guilty
Expediency about 8 hours tio sharpen the pencil

The Police

I have had a bad week and let's hope it gets no worse.
I have seen that the Police are justt as bad as us
They are us aren't they?
What they are capable of reflects what we are capable of We had better watch them as they watch us

I have written to the Chief Constable of Cambridgeshire Constabulary Simon Parr and to the new Police Commissioner Sir Graham Bright
I want Police as friends who I can trust and feel that they trust me
Is that unattainable
Yes it is at the moment I am preparing a script
I will publish and broadcast it with interviews of the Commissioner included Look out for it
Peter