Laugh

Laugh at no cost whatsoever and austerity everywhere The white but dirty van parked in the even dirtier layby by the even muchier turd infested grass bank is a Catering van. The van is not clean no, but has a road tax sticker. There is an awning and good table service is provided by Beniamino from Corfoo, he says ? It’s a good business and frequented frequently by those frequenting the frequently frequented Lloyd Wrightesque Police Barracks which overlooks and oversees wimin everywhere specially on weekdays and at weekends.
Many brutal instances of the beaches of basic human rights (see UN Dec Univ. Human Rights 1956) were made in ancient Rome, even more appartently according to Gov stats soon to me publicated occur in Peterborough. Bulgarians and Rumanians will improve this is the longer term says the Mayor, good news indeed.

BUT the over- riding consideration and concern for the HR commission is the grub, that’s where white dirty van greasy spoon Ink. makes its brass. Take away favourites and BBC Food Pogrom winners this year are the aforesaid. Water is the best seller, tea bags come a close second, sugar, milk sarnies a pkenty grtated gloats cheese atandooori bush meat warmed and then basmati rice, adjuncts are a wet towel, sunglasses, expensive Harrods plastic Maplin and Web plastic forks and St James’ bibles bottim I am afraid.

Earnings this week £13000.oo, you can see the attraction and a police entrepreneurial group has made a bid. In the barracks canteen where you cannot go they have Moet e Chandon, cut glass goblets, Isle of Bude dapper white napkins and a bottle opner and corkscreq. Shoelaces taken from slammed up gits like me neatly keep the napkins tidy and a woman comes in once a day to sprinkle sweet smelling holyy rose water from Monks Cave onto the Orklnet wook carpet.

In the cells let’s sut this short you get none of that but don’t let me hear you complain, no point. You do not pay board there do you. Fare here is well, well, what is it? That is what we need to establish first. What indeed. An open question. BUT it is in microwave proof roman style terracotta and neatly wrapped in crinkly white cotton, there is a waiter and trolley service on the thirteenth Wednesday of every leap yeatr and well, well

Only one thing tells me that Tommy Cooper lookalike colour sergeant what makes the tea after I am severly dehydrated and have been slammed up for 7 hours and 22 minutes, NO you CANNOT have another, Gov cuts you know. Understandable..

In temerity, be warned, when you Egon Romney Police catering, you are just a guest here, have you any right to do so. Good question. I tremble as I wonder just what constitutes a waste of police time and can be charged at max tariff if guilty? Humour I fear so I now switch to austere mode in addressing the CO, the Chief Constable.

If I am guilty Sir just make a quick call on my mobile I’ll go straight by taxi to the Scrubs, no need to waste more shekels on 3 police blokes two German Shepherdesses and 4 vans this time, twice is already stretching it Sir.

Is it expensive? Well they don’t ask for the bill or il conto here take note, they just shove a charge sheet in yet hand no matter what you scoff.

Police Dictionary

Police speak first column, 2nd their real intended meaning wat civvies call lingua franca English

Has he been handcuffed?? Why the hell not if not?
Not detained at all Kept here just as long as we want
Sir Twat head
Not guilty 15 years we hope
Tea Fuck off
Mr Peter Francis You mate
Reason to believe you is fuckin guilty
Expediency about 8 hours tio sharpen the pencil