(xiiiii) To save the tweedle dum and dee I’ll give you my own preference. Stand rivet stock still dressed as you normally do, leave the Gucci handbag and pastel crème Bruxelles lace gloves at home though, in Cathedral Square Peterborough and scream at the top of your voice in a language of your choosing (pause here for better thesepian slant and thought), ‘I am (option is is)a bally beeeeg fool and an auld eejot. Me me me me me yes I IZ (AM OPTIOAL AGAIN) ’,yuou can adapt as necessary, take An Oxford Johnson idishun like what I use dictionary for those words pursuant to ancient Greek and Swahili origin that spring mighty quickly to the tongue but are jolly hard to spell. You’’ ll want it writ down won’t you Taff?? Why Cathedral Square in the ancient soke? Right, in days of yore (stet) The monks here were particularly knowledgeable and stoodious (stet agin) , them wrote the chronicles famously now in Ely, we won’t go to see them today, too far.
At that time the monks must also have had a pastoral role, there are some graffiti like texts indicating so carved beautifully in the Cathedral so it has to have been the case.
(a) well whilst you fladgellate, use the high octave I call it scream (no bag remember), yes I know I am a humanitarian and vegetarian ; you would after the trauma has passed want some solace and pastoral care. Forget it, there is none.
Even the short and quirkly happy smart little roadsweeper with the club foot will give you a wide birth and just light another fag as he passes.
The SaLVATION Army is never there on weekdays and the Carpethian Sisters of Grenoble the Hermit Lungo Templo Amen do NOT cross the soke boundaries, they say tooo dangerous.
You are on your own. You have made your point. No help, No seats. It is raining hares and goatees, you are wet. You want a pint. You have had it up to ere. You notice passers by talking guardedly on their mobiles and think the police have been called. Scarper quick.
The Camel and Sophist is not a bad pub by Cairo standards where there are few, let’s meet there after. Half of Abbott’s was it?
(b) Domingo is not bad rolling baccie either whilst I fink about it, have a cig on your way. 5 euros from Belgiam for 500gs, £35.99 in Asda, fair do’s fings is Australian as the moment aint they.
Listen wacker, if you think THIS is tedious bizarre out of this planet in the ether somewhere forget that. YOU thud hear my 65000 word epithets to Max Wall now legendary first inscribed on best Harrods vellum, 1956 – 1999, Harper and Flootist G & G 16.7, isbn so have I 99088.88 and being bid for now by the British Museum. There is wackier ALWAYS a point to be made. I am slow and tedious and an old tart but at LEAST I do with some high pressure steam coming from various orifices get there.
(b bis IIIVX) WHARUTT you scream. Me wife has left me and wants me jailed for eternity and plus that, I have been locked up twice this week and spent 56 hours in the pleasant if tedious company of the rozzers that’s wot we have here wacker.
NOW do not try this at home if you are wearing an ear stud and are gay touché wet daft effed up or a bloke. DO NOT phone the police OT EVEN FINK abart it and say your partner is trying to beat you to a pulp, even if he / she/ it/ awotevva is. Coz Police ONLY listin to wimmins and you wacker is a bloke gerrit!!
Omnius vobiscum another pint clean glass no handle please ta.
Break for ads. This tome is being brought to you close to the Nanny goat and Beard and the Restover Lodge Hoptel in Boongate Fengate Peterborough near the dog track. Rooms 32 polished grouts no extras but some nice looking ladies all smiling and never coming to your room on time, late but promises a plenty yet to be fulfilled. We are broadcastin from there tonite ones pad having declaured universal independence from you Police edict rendered off limit’s OR straight to Jug no passin GO no 200 quid attributed to Cambridgeshire constabulary it says so on the charge sheet.
Fade and action take up again
Abbots tastes great. You wash your eyelashes with a finger dipped in it, a sign of devotion and deep homily in Tibet and you proceed to sip it reverently. £2.49 no bad Mactouche and Salmoniz 17 yr matured
Recapitulate expand, don’t marry a woman, any variety, don’t ; if you do don’t ever speak ever to her, don’t have any kind of relationship with her don’t live with her carry an AK47 and prepare to be banged up for ever in San Clinton with a happy biffday card. Say goodbyte to freedome the world Abbots brew fags and and OBE. Right? Right! The Phoros cost ya £6000 ya prat###
Huntings Solicitors ent bad is them? (note Chronicles Saxon Anglais vx sculpted used here to show I aint fick)
omnis vobiscuum often I’d say.
Seen vu bill tho’?
Nah??
17 and 6!
Ballymeaner - - but I have gropers or American Expired Gold Cud which is it to be my man
Gis a pint of Abbots and we’ll call it quickies right.
Agreed, shake and bugger off on the chopper, mind the crane as you go over won’t yas?
The Orkadian Thrush Theatre’s ‘’’ Epistucoorum anno Dominin (capital letta for God), changes key, et tu tuum et fratelum benum’’’ comes to you this evening from yer SpikeIslandRadio clarity Marconi developed steam radio triple speaker system Mark IIIIIIVVV cream and blue chique and you must have one from ASDA John Lewis emporium Vancouver AND ALL good Ice Cream vendors’, $55.666 easy terms available – free gerbils cage and food for 68 years free with every pushkin FOR SALE IN LESSER SPIKEISLANDRADIO’s new SHOP FM 90.76
BANNER PLEASE BANNER TO HENRY’S SAKE AND THE ORSE TOO
To quick sale - bootiful but quirkly let us say Wife, 17 gerbils and a stuffed Ostrich, free Police protection guaranteed for this century at any rate
Just take me Rolex brute Blu laser, Purdy guns and the Lamborghini Espada. I’ll pay the crateing and shipping cost. OK you drive an ard bargin TEK the bloody cottage then too
THE YEARS RESULT FROM OFTWOT ABRDIGED OFT AFT AND ALWAYS
You PASSED booger it, NOW go QUICK to the ubiquitous magpie Kevfoski jNR move QP17 to PQ17 and an arf on P 766
PHOTOGRAPH – on location in Cafeereal Square D Bailey
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